Minnysotah

Ed. Note: This entry is less angry than usual. If you have an issue with that, go fuck yourself.

When the Eagles qualified for the playoffs last Sunday, Grebe, Hewitt and myself decided to go to Minnesota for the game. What else are three unemployed people going to do? Save money? HA. Our friend of color was also supposed to come, but he pussied out. Asshole.

After originally deciding while drunk that driving out to the great north was the way to go, we realized while sober that was not the case. Unfortunately, flying from Philly to Minneapolis is appallingly expensive. This led to the fantastic itinerary of flying to Philly to Cincy to Madison, then driving to Minneapolis.

I woke up Saturday at 430 AM, which is about when I usually go to sleep. At the Philly airport, the security people examined Grebe's metal knee like he had a turban over it. That was funny to me. We were taking "Delta Connection" flights, meaning no Boeings for us. Shockingly, there was only about 10 people trying to fly to Cincinnati at 730 in the morning.

All you need to know about the Cincinnati airport is that it is in Northern Kentucky, and dangerously close to Southeastern Indiana. Excitement abounded, obviously, during our layover there. I drank, Grebe was excited about the "smoking lounge" and we went to Madison, WI. Home of the Badgers!

The Madison airport was particularly charming with all its 1977ish decor. And the five other people who were there. On an aside, Madison is about as unimpressive as a town can be. We left promptly.

About an hour into the drive through Wisconsin, a few things became abundantly clear. People in Wisconsin love cheese. It is also the indoor waterpark capital of the world. They are fucking everywhere. The whole way up 94 There was farms and water slides as far as the eye can see. This is also when the ice storm began.

Here on the East Coast, ice and snow means plowing and salting of major roadway. Not so in Wisconsin/Minnesota. Apparently a few inches of ice and snow isn't worth salting the road. Or driving below 60, despite the graveyard of cars off to the side of the road. This made a four hour drive a seven hour drive.

When arriving in Minneapolis, we ate at Applebee's because it was connected to the hotel. Here, we learned our first lesson of Minneapolis. They all talk like they do in Fargo. Minneysotah is the best way I can it in type. These people are also absurdly friendly. More on that later. Further, there is an abundance of skinny blondes running around. It was disorienting.

Later we went to the bar where the bartender asked "What can I get ya boys?" in as thick of a South Canada accent as possible. Beer was cheap, and these people were jacked up because the Gopher hockey team won. And Sidney Crosby got into a fight. They love hockey.

When Tim and I went to get breakfast Sunday morning, the temperature was -1 and the wind chill was -19. It got COLDER throughout the day. What the fuck kind of weather is this?

The Metrodome is very loud. Louder than the Linc or Giants Stadium. The meanest thing said me however was "You people booed Michael Irvin, eh? That isn't very friendly. Go back east, eh". The people sitting behind us welcomed us to Minnesota. They readily admitted that we were the better team. The people were uncomfortably nice. While leaving, some guy behind us complained that he came to the game instead of ice fishing for walleye. He was joking. I think.

Driving back to the Madison airport, we bought cheese and Cranberry wine, since these items seemed to be what you need to buy when in Central Wisconsin. That is if you aren't going to ride the waterslides, of course.

Madison is where I found about Pat Burrell. Go to hell Ruben Amaro.

When we landed in Philly around 10:30 PM Monday, the wind chill was more than sixty degrees higher than it was in Minneapolis on Sunday. Again, what the hell is the deal with that weather.

In closing:

1. We win!
2. I have attended a playoff victory by all four professional Philly sports teams since April
3. Minnesota is cold. And they talk funny.