I assume that you have already seen this commercial, because despite its absurdity it runs non fucking stop. I have yet to speak with anyone who doesn't think this commercial is ridiculous on every possible level. So let's discuss Kay Jewelers attempt at a Christmas horror story.
See this abomination here.
:00-:05--The setting of the Christmas horror is provided. Deep in the woods a thunderstorm rages through the forest. An especially long and violent clap of thunder leads into the character introductions.
:06-:11--We find the happy couple...watching the thunderstorm through the window? Huh? Why are they doing that? It isn't like it is a snow storm that blankets everything and makes it look nice or something. It is raining outside. Why would you want to watch rain? The female of the couple reacts like someone just got shot at the clap of thunder. If she is this jumpy by the sounds of thunder, why the hell is she standing at a window in the middle of a fucking thunderstorm? Of course, this leads her into the arms of her creepy boyfriend with the even creepier voice who spouts the extremely creepy line "I'm right here...and I always will be". At this point, I assume he is the murderer. He is giving her the $99 piece of Kay jewelry to lull her into a false sense of security. I mean, the guy is standing around watching thunderstorms in a dark forest. He is probably fucked in the head.
:11-:22--We get a voice over telling us the glory of the $79.99 love's embrace collection. It is also at this time when the murdered wraps his victim in some sort of supernatural force field. This is all made more confusing by the victim's appearance of pleasure. We already know she doesn't like the storm. And I doubt it is the cheap mall jewelry store necklace that is bringing her happiness. So what is she happy about? This is a real head scratcher. I got nothing.
:23-:30--The commercial ends with some more creepy dialogue and the ever present this time of year "Every Kiss begins with Kay" tagline. Of course, they are still standing in front of the window where the storm that scared this woman so much is going on. Close the blinds and sit on the couch for fuck's sake.
Jewelry store Christmas commercials are the absolute worst. Unfortunately, they are unavoidable this time of year. If I have to see that damn Jane Seymour open hearts commercial one more time I may manually open my heart with my hand so it will stop.
The most confusing part is that these commercial are presumably focused on men, and every man I know derides and/or hates these commercials. Who do these appeal to? The only people I can think of, especially considering the price point of the product, is teenagers. Fucking teenagers.
Four days until all this bullshit disappears for 9 months!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment