Musings...

I hate doing this, because I think it's pretty lame, but I have some salient points to make. Also, people keep bitching that I haven't updated my blog. I can't believe people are reading this thing. It is nice to know that even people with jobs are as bored as I am.

-The main purpose of this is a record that Tim told Rush that he would dress as Macho Man Randy Savage to the game if Macho Harris ever starts a home game for the Eagles. Seriously, that is the main reason I am writing this post. It had to be placed in perpetuity somewhere. I think we have all become gigantic Macho fans now, no?

-I also needed to display my anger about something. Tom McCarthy, go fuck yourself. Seriously, choke on your pregame Krispy Kreme and go away. After an Elijah Dukes home run onto Ashburn Alley tonight, Tommy MetsFan said, and I quote "He hit that one into Mike Piazza territory!". Are you fucking kidding me you douchebag? It is bad enough that he openly roots for the opposition most nights, but you are now naming parts of the ballpark after former Mets and homosexual icons? If the Phillies brass had any fucking brains, Franzke and LA would be on TV tomorrow and TMac will be sobbing somewhere in a local McDonald's, drowning his sorrows in McNuggets. Maybe Mike Piazza can stop by and cheer him up.

-I miss Harry.

-Tucci just turned one on Friday, and she is 68 pounds. What the fuck? The dog was 4 pounds when we got her. Christ. She is goddamned huge. She also eats sticks like they are candy. Mmm, roughage!

-Today I took upon myself to go the shore on a Monday and get my yearly spring sunburn. It is pretty bad, but the back of the knees are safe. Sorry to disappoint. I am alternating between shivering and overheating, so I got that going for me.

-Marty Biron, proving French Canadians never learned how to catch since 2009. Steve has always thought it was because they don't play baseball as kids. I think he is onto something. Related: Hey Carcillo, there is a reason they won't fight you when they are winning. Maybe you shouldn't fight when we are winning. He did beat his ass though, so that was fun.

-Only people between the ages of 22 and 55 should be able to drive. If you are outside of that age range, there is 90% chance you suck at driving. Also, if you are driving while inebriated, driving ten miles below the speed limit is way shadier than driving around the speed limit. You look like a fucking moron, and are causing traffic. Get off the goddamned road. Douchebags. Vick should have to constantly ride shotgun with me and ticket any person who annoys me on the road.

-What is more frustrating? Set over set on the flop or having two blackjack bets turn into nine bets and losing all nine? What if this happens an hour apart? I'll let you decide. FML.

-I was telling people the other day the Hornets quit on their coach. They won that day, and people questioned me. Today, the Hornets lost a home playoff game by FIFTY EIGHT POINTS. Blow me, they quit on their coach.

-If my recent job search has taught me anything, it is that I am really only qualified to sell insurance. This is disheartening because who isn't qualified to sell insurance, really? It is like the old saying "I wouldn't want to be a part of any club that would have me as a member", I am not sure I want any job I am qualified for. C'mon Powerball!

-That fucking Asher Roth song gets worse every fucking day. I like that he has a song on his album whining about people comparing him to Eminem, wittily called "As I Em". (Get it! Em! Like Eminem!) Stop complaining douchebag, at least people aren't comparing you to Vanilla Ice.

-I mostly read Pitchfork just so I can disagree with it, but they rated Asher's album 2.4/10. That sounds right. However without Pitchfork I wouldn't know that Clipse and Kanye just came out with a track (They gave it a 7, btw). Where else can you find out that and about MGMT settling their differences with the French government in just seconds? God bless the interwebz and uppity internet music journalists(?).

-The Phillies pitching sucks worse than having to go to work/school on a 90 degree day in April. (suckers).

-Kenny Smith is currently playing with one of those electronic boards in which the host can move images with his finger. Is this really fucking necessary for basketball halftime shows? Was it really fucking necessary to give Michael Smith one for the draft? We get it, CNN had a cool board on election night. Even that was unnecessary. Sportscasters don't fucking need one.

-You know what's awesome? Mayo. If you disagree, I think you are an unrefined imbecile that probably likes Asher Roth.

-The Quizno's commercial in which it is suggested that the guy is having sexual relations with the oven while making "torpedoes"...a bit much, no?

-After 25 years of being angry, I have really mellowed lately after starting this blog so I could bitch about things. Fuck that. The only logic I can see about God is that he must exist, cause why else would I constantly get fucked over by things like this. Fuck.

-I almost just wrote the phrase, "be being". That can't be right, right? Right.

-If you spell check on this thing, it says "internet" is wrong. They say it should be capitalized. Self important assholes.

-I enjoy the Blackhawks radically insensitive logo. Good for them, and screw Canada. I mean, really, what has Canada ever done for me. Provided cold fronts? Kept Sarah Palin at bay? The only good things I have ever heard about Canada is that it is nicer than Detroit. No shit. Chernobyl is nicer than Detroit, too, but they aren't bragging.

-TNT is using the header "Win or go home" for this Lakers broadcast. If the Lakers win, they stay home. But if they lose, they have to go away. That header is misleading. Maybe if they didn't spend so much of Ted Fucking Turner's money on giving Kenny Smith interactive TV screens, they could hire someone to notice these things. (I'm available, if necessary!)

-Dear HBO, stop showing the Sex and the City Movie 24 hours a day. WHY IS THAT MOVIE TWO AND HALF HOURS LONG? WHAT THE FUCK? The one's a whore, the one's a prude, the one's a bitter angry woman, and the lead is a whiny little fucker who looks like a foot. Why does this take 150 minutes to sort out?

-Put a price, Put a price on my soul....Find a cure, Find a cure for my life

-I really do love female British pop singers. Which is odd because I really hate British people. Pompous fucks. (Ed. Note: I have never actually met a British person. I don't think they travel to Philly too much. Bad memories of getting their asses kicked. TAKE THAT BRITS. AMERICA, FUCK YEAH. They would rather go to Canada where those brown nosing Canucks let the Brits rule them until like 2002.)

-That was a great few sentences full of international stereotypes. Snobby Brits? Abrasive Americans? Worthless Canadians? We got it all. I don't know if worthless Canadian is really a stereotype. If not, I think we should make it one. This is the kind of thing I envisioned for this blog. Demeaning mass groups of people I know nothing about, and mocking their made up shortcomings.

-I really think this entire entry is pretty fucking shitty. Maybe if I keep writing my mental diarrhea you people will stop asking me to update my blog. As you may or may not know, when people tell me to do something it makes me less likely to do it. I have the same attitude as the average seven year old. In fairness, I am real light headed and dehydrated from the sunburn. I would say I'll try harder in the future, but let's be honest.....that'd be a lie.