Bob Salmi

If you don't know, Bob Salmi is the color man for Sixers basketball on Comcast SportsNet. He is awful at his job. Salmi replaced Steve "The Mayor" Mix last season, despite Steve Mix being good at his job and Salmi sucking balls at it.

Salmi first appeared on CSN when he would do spots on DNL as "The coach in the truck" and the truck is where he should have fucking stayed. Despite this team being a gigantic disappointment, Salmi continues to claim he sees "improvement" and claims it is "going to take time". THE SEASON IS 25% FINISHED, JACKASS. Salmi has secured his job for being the biggest fucking homer he can possibly be.

Bob also has a belief that Andre Miller is the second coming of Magic Johnson. It would be a good comparision, except Miller is significantly shorter and much less talented. Salmi likes to say Miller "gives this Sixer team what it needs". That need seems to be mediocre point guard play and a losing record. Salmi has to get a new pair of pants everytime Miller shot fakes. Bob monotonely exclaims that Miller has "the best shot fake in the NBA". Nothing gets Bob more jacked up than watching Andre Miller get enveloped by another sweaty man. Game winning shot? Bob has nothing to say because he is still pleasuring himself over that sweet pump fake three quarters ago.

The word Salmistrator is enough to make me want to punch someone in the face. In their infinite wisdom, Comcast thought it might ease the pain of watching Andre Iguodala drive into the lane and dribble the ball off his foot if Marc Zumoff and Salmi giggle like school girls every night about clever wordplay. While breaking down Iggy's before mentioned failure, we have to watch Bob Salmistrate (Ed. Note: I am currently shaking with anger over having to type that stuping fucking term) his thoughts on the play on the telestrator. Sorry, Salmistrator. It usually sounds something like this:

"And here Andre Iguodala (Never Andre or Iguodala. Always Andre Iguodala. This also pisses me the fuck off. Just in case there is another Iguodala on the floor, Bob lets us know he means Andre Iguodala) drives by his defender, but he lacks the exceptional shot fake of Andre Miller...(pause to clean self up)....so the play breaks down. It is going to take some time before Andre Iguodala can improve enough to give this Sixer team what it needs."

Fucking Salmistrator.

In short, I hope Bob Salmi rots in hell where he can never see Andre Miller shot fake ever again. The Dockers corporation may become bankrupt, however.